Science...For Her! - Hardcover

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Photo Credit: Matthias Clamer

Photo Credit: Emily Shur

Science...for Her! has finally combined two of your favorite things: your seventh grade science textbook and your Cosmo. This is obviously a book for the ladies, but one of America’s manliest men got his hands on it, and he has a few quandaries. Nick Offerman, author of Paddle Your Own Canoe, asks Megan Amram, author Science...for Her! all of the burning questions that are on your man’s mind.

Will feminism be more of a threat after women learn of the powers of Science?
If you know anything about brain science, you will know that this is impossible! The more a woman learns about one thing, the more she forgets about all other things. A woman's brain is actually only the approximate size of a teacup (standard British issue.) If she reads my book, she will forget everything she knows about so-called "feminism." I promise this is true, or my name isn't "Catalog Marzipan"! (I know so much about science that I can't remember my own name!)

Is the feminine for “scientist”, “scientista”?
There's no real translatable equivalent for "female scientist." The Inuit people called it "aqilokoq", which, loosely translated, means "snow."

Who has better scientistas, Israel, Palestine, or Texas?
I will go with Texas, but mostly because I don't know what those other words are! Are they flavors of Axe Bodyspray (hubby hubby, that's how I want my hubby to smell! That, and some Ben & Jerry's, yum!!!)? This isn't "Words...for Her!" Though that would be a great sequel! I'm going to put the "dick" in "dicktionary"! [sic] ;)

Is there a sure fire method for locating the perineum, or “bridge of sighs”? I am handy with a tape measure.
I just go with regular ol' female intuition on this one (which is how female surgeons find the pancreas, etc.) Think: where was the last place I left the perineum? Retrace your steps. Is it on your forehead? The perineum is always in the last place you look!

Not really much about canoes in this book, but wouldn’t you say they are an important part of water science? Why the dis?
Canoes are very important, but only applicable for men! A woman can't drive a normal car, due to her inborn lack of spatial reasoning and physics (discussed at length in the book) - how do you think she'd fare at canoes, the cars of the sea? She would get distracted by all the beautiful water lilies (Anthropologie-chic!) and crash into another canoe in order to create a "meet cute" with a hot, single doctor. There would be massive causalities. I am very proud of you, Nick, for using a canoe responsibly, but please, don't let any women NEAR them!

Have you given any thought to tackling other traditionally difficult areas of study for Ladies, like emotional composure?
Science is something women can learn, if they really put their (pint-sized!) mind to it. Emotional composure, on the other (petite!) hand, is unattainable. I, for (instance!) instance, am sobbing all over my keyboard right now as we speak because I remember that Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth and got sad and horny at the same time. Itas gahggetting hadrsd tao tpye isn fancct. Okay, I've composed myself. I'm so sorry for that. I'm going to go eat chocolate.